Thanksgiving and all that jazz

Well on with the bad news folks, hope you are all ready.

My dad had a mild heart attack this Thanksgiving day. Thats right, at 3 a.m. he awoke with extreme pain/numbness in his left arm and was rushed to the E.R. thusly. He has been admited and the doctors all say it was relatively mild but nothing to scoff at.
For those of you who don't know, my dad had triple bypass surgery in the summer of 2000. This makes it even scarier because you can't bypass a bypass (at least not in my vast medical knowledge). So all of you do me a favor and pray, sacrifice, or just think of him for me and I'd greatly appreciate it.

Now on to relatively good news, hope you are still ready.

Kathy decided she wanted to get back together with me this weekend. I think the idea of another girl might have frightened her a bit to say the least. Being the bastard I am, I told her I'd think about it though. I know some of you are shouting at your monitor "Jory you moron take it before its gone" and I agree with you whole heartidly. I guess I just want to make it clear to her I'm not some desperate loser who would take her back at the drop of a hat.

Well, my microwave burritos are beeping at me and my laundry won't fold itself so I best be going.

To all the peeps who left me Turkey Day wishes I give them back to you all ten fold and I miss you all to death!

Who would think a weekend of debauchery would actually make me feel this good?

So I have a question for you people now. When was the last time you totally got whatever you wanted without any strings attached? Think long and hard. It doesn't even have to be something big. Ok, got it? Take that and stretch it out over the entire length of the weekend and that explains mine.
I won't go into too much detail (kids could read this thing), but I'll start off by saying that the ex came over to my apartment for the weekend and treated me like a prince. I'm talking the palm leaf and grapes/turkey leg prince too, none of that cheapo she gave me a foot massage crap.

Now this whole thing started when she found out that another female was interested in me (hence last weeks post about brain hurting/drama). At first it caused a bit of a hullabulloo, but as if by magic her normal tendencies seemed to disappear. As if I had found the magic antidote to estrogen she went from total jealous hard ass to ever willing servant. You can bet your sweet ass I milked it for all its worth too. ;)
Now don't get it in your head I am some kind of chauvinistic asshole, and in fact I'm quite the opposite. For four years she was the princess and almost like a scene from Oliver Twist I would often be seen asking "Please sir, I want some more" when it came to getting a scrap of what I pumped out to her. This was my just rewards I guess.

For those of you wondering what this weekend entailed here is a brief summary:

Sex, steak, beer, sex, italian food, full body massage, sex, and lastly sex.

If anyone is disgusted by that, I can assure you that the cow that died for my steak was humanely killed.

Now some of you might say "Jory, if that is an ideal weekend you are a pretty shallow guy" and to you I would say "Fuck off you insipid twit". Of course with the upmost respect.

My brain hurts!

With the ease of a well greased porn star I managed to fuck over some people in my life. By no means is that comment meant to prepare you for a drama filled story (as since I despise the subject), but it is more a preparation for a short posting by yours truly.

I'm going to concentrate on the good things right now in a boycott of the suck that seems to be taking my immediate vicinity by storm. First off, Hally was due 11/4 but so far has failed to produce any results of the birthing ritual. 'How is that good?' you may ask. Well you aren't the uncle who has to change poopy diapers when he/she arrives, so in true style to my relation he/she is simply procrastinating much to my delight. She is scheduled to be induced 11/11 which in my vast medical knowledge must mean the doctor will light a small fire under my sister and somehow manage to smoke the baby out of hiding.

On Saturday I partied it up with a bunch of college kids. If you ever want to feel old have a party get busted by the cops and be one of 3 people who doesn't get up to run. I seriously don't know how I drank that much when I was their age either. If I tried to keep up with those kids I'd literally, f*cking die.
And is it just me or are college kids getting dumber? I definitely know I'm not getting any smarter, but I felt like I held a doctorate while hanging out with them. I also hope and pray that I never ever have a daughter when I have kids. God bless if I ever do, but she'd be going to an all girls college and wearing one of those Afghani robes to cover herself up.

I apologize for the extreme lack of information at this time, but I literally feel mentally exhausted. For anyone who hasn't felt this peculiar and savage feeling its like having your brain being a fat guy who suddenly gets put through a marathon. But it isn't really a fat guy, its your brain (for those of you who missed the analogy).